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Nice, Spoiled, Stupid Guys

Dear Said It,

Let's break a feminist secret: most of us don't like "nice" guys either. (“Bad Girls, Nice Guys, and then there’s reality,” March) Why? Because they often act like we should honor them because they're "not as chauvinistic as other men.” These "nice" guys often don't have time to read feminist literature. And when they do, they very seldom ask themselves, "How can I be part of the solution to patriarchy?" All too often, they're much too "busy" to do any activism. Most of them don't know the difference between being "wonderfully supportive" and actually working with women for gender justice. The "nice" guy and the "macho" man are opposite sides of the same patriarchal coin. There, I said it!

So back to the proverbial, "What do women want?" Fundamentally, a man who takes equal responsibility for patriarchy. A man who doesn't feel ashamed to be male and who knows there is nothing wrong with the XY chromosome, but who is also aware of the "invisible knapsack" of privilege his culture has given him. For starters, a man with the guts to stand up to the Thornhills of the world...and the compassion towork with the women who've been victimized, yes victimized, by them.

There, I said it!

J of Dallas


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